halloween.

today is the last day of october. in fact i am in the last hours of october. that makes me sad. my favorite month is almost over. i'm going to go cry myself to sleep over it.

will i be able to take a chance tomorrow?
- corrie

'tis the season.

to hear about lizzy borden murdering her family, ghosts & ghouls, and watch scary movies. my favorite season.

today as i was flipping channels while eating my lunch and came across a documentary on the discovery channel about lizzy borden. did she do it or did she not? i have seen things about the mystery before, but find it amusing every time it comes on. today it reminded me that it is the season to see all of these things. in the last week i've watched shows about ghosts, and murder, and parts of countless scary movies. i just find this interesting to note, and i'm not noting it very articulately, but whatever.

in other news, my current favorite song is "nobody dances anymore" by brandtson. it's a fun song with a hilarious video. if you are interested in seeing it you can visit my myspace page, amber put it up there.

that's all. i'm in class. i should go, especially cause it's preview day and i don't want to set a bad example. oh well. this is what it's like.

nobody takes chances anymore.
- corrie

bye bye mind. (a random entry)

i believe that barbara streisand is losing her mind. why? while sitting here in intro to business next to one of my housemates, i am browsing the internet. every day i read the news on imdb.com, and today this one about streisand made me roll my eyes.

Streisand's Security Fears
Barbara Streisand has implemented stringent security measures on her US tour to deter any potential assassin. The 64-year-old singer demands metal detectors be installed at every venue door, extra security staff and police sniffer dogs patrol the auditoriums. According to documents obtained by website Smoking Gun, Streisand also requests plain clothes guards be "neatly dressed in dark jackets, blazers or sweaters." She also asks for 120 towels, 10 end tables, 10 floor lamps and five coffee tables at each concert venue.

is that not the most silly thing you've ever heard? the last part is the real kicker. she wants 120 towels (for what?), 10 end tables (where?), 10 floor lamps (are her dressing rooms really that big?), and five coffee tables (i guess she drinks a lot of coffee).

anyway, today is a cold, windy, and rainy day (lots of rain). i made the mistake of not taking my umbrella to my first two classes and paid later. i'm excited that i'm done after this class, too bad i don't have anything to do after it. oh well.

rain rain go away come again another day.
- corrie

note: today is my half birthday. woo.

recurrences.

i just woke up from a 3ish hour nap. it was nice, but somewhat silly because i'm sure that i'm going to have some trouble falling asleep later when i actually need to sleep. what makes these this nap time interesting is not the fact that i slept for that long, but how well i slept and how much i dreamed. i had two odd dreams, both recurring dreams. they weren't exactly the same as they were before, and it had been some time since i'd had either of them, but they were so familiar. the first one culminated in something that has been inadvertently on my mind lately, but with a twist. the second one had a weird flow with it and could probably be broken down into two separate dreams. parts of it seemed real. there was a storm in it and that was very real. (i think some of that has to do with our actual weather, and the weather report i read not long before falling asleep.) anyway, these dreams were off the wall, and somewhat weirded me out. possibly the most interesting part about the last one was that it was like i was part of a revolution to an extent. like i was the newest person, and was trying to figure out how everything worked. when i woke up i didn't exactly know what was going on, but i immediately wondered what time it was. like i said, odd, but interesting.

still groggy.
- corrie

singled out.

literally and figuratively. it has been quite the interesting weekend for my friends and their relationships, and me observing them. like i've mentioned the last couple of entries it is homecoming weekend. it is over i believe now, but it has been quite the fun thing. tons of people came in for the weekend and it was a total blast.

friday night one of my best friends from here got something that she wasn't expecting until christmas, and i had called happening at thanksgiving. she got engaged! yes it is true, mandi mayer is now engaged to brad davidson. i am so happy for them, and it's about time too! it is of course a cute story and an amazing ring, but i won't go into the details because i've heard them enough and i will be hearing them more. i was however a little irritated, because i didn't hear about it until around 11 on saturday and not from mandi or brad. when i saw both of them early in the morning they both thought that i already knew or that the other had told me. silly kids.

saturday was spent at the panther 5k (see last entry), and at the football game (GC won 34-20). that evening i went with mandi and brad and a bunch of his friends from here. we went to applebee's (their tradition), a pumpkin patch (it was raining and cold), and a friend's house in troy (we were there so late and i was so bored/tired). while driving between these locations i was mushed up against the window next to two of brad's friends. while they are nice guys, the next time i'm smushed that close to a guy again, i'd like to be someone who means a lot to me, or is someone i didn't just meet. overall i heard far too much about relationships and made a few decisions. when in troy it ended up being the women in the livingroom, and the men in the kitchen (not doing anything of course), and we ended up talking about engagements, rings, kids, weddings, and all sorts of other things that honestly don't concern me at this point. also, i was the only single woman in that conversation.

today i went to chuch at the greenville fm chuch, and then a group of 11 of us went to six flags st. louis. it was fun and hectic and frusterating and more fun. the drive there was a total nightmare thanks to directions, traffic, and bad attitudes. once we got in the gates it was a total blast. of course by this point i'd realized that i was the odd woman out. why? well, let me just give you a run down of the people who were there. jeff and his friend jordan, christine & jake, mandi & brad, mary & richard, ashley & dom, justin grant, joel bannister, and myself. aside from justin, joel, jeff, jordan, and i everyone was there "with" (actually and almost) someone else. then there's the fact that none of us knew jordan, so he hung out mostly with jeff, and that before we were even halfway to the park justin and joel had paired off. i was nervous about that, and compensated for it by being over the top and outgoing. thankfully, my friends were concious of the fact that i was the odd one out and made sure that i had someone to ride with pretty much all the time. it was only weird a little. by the end of the night it wasn't a big deal, but early on it was interesting to get used to. someday i can go to a theme park with friends and their significant other, and i'll have someone and i won't have to feel awkward at all.

that was my weekend. a lot huh? well, i'm exhausted now, so i'm going to bed.

single me out!
- corrie

proud of myself.

i am so proud of myself. this morning i got up at 7:30 a.m. (a feat in and of itself), and went and did the panther 5k. this year it was also called "run with a purpose" and another cor401 group put it on (it happened to be some of my friends), and all the proceeds go to habitat for humanity to build a house for a family in bond county. as far as i could tell this morning was a huge success. as i was standing in the registration line the woman in front of me was saying to someone else that for the last 5 years it was about a third of the size it was today. i would like to note that i have never done a 5k race, or a race of any kind before. i am not in shape to run it all, so i ended up walking with my friend maribeth. i would have liked to run some of it, but she was mildly injured and couldn't run, and i didn't want to to it by myself. it was really enjoyable, and because we walked, not difficult. we had a nice time walking and talking, and we didn't finish last! i really didn't want to be the last to finish. as we were coming up on the end however everyone was gathered around for the giving away of the prizes and when coach barber saw us coming he had everyone cheer us on. i wish he hadn't done that, but what are you going to do. then i hung out and listened to people getting their prizes and it was fun. like i said, i'm proud of myself for getting up this morning and doing it. i really enjoyed it. i suppose i've said that enough now. probably the best part is that it was all for a good cause. i do feel a little lame though. there was someone who i wanted to talk to, but waited too long and they left. lame me. nothing new about that though. so much to say too chicken to do it. that's it i think.

homecoming is fun.
- corrie

football.

it is homecoming week, each day with some new event going on. last night was the homecoming banquet dinner and dance. tomorrow is the ground breaking for the new women's dorm, and mr. panther. friday is "gc fest." saturday is the panther 5k run/walk (this year titled run with a purpose), and of course the big football game. it is also parent's weekend, so i'm sure that there's stuff going on with that. today however was the powder puff game. last year it was juniors v seniors, but this year everyone played. i had, of course, signed up to play on the seniors team, and it was a tough day. we played the freshman first and that was actually pretty fun. we crushed them. the second game was the sophomores v juniors. it was a pretty good game. good but rough. really rough, and that sent the tone for the next game. now mind you this is flag football. in overtime the juniors won, which made for an interesting match up of juniors v seniors, just as it should be. like i said already, but this point it had gotten really rough. we ended up losing the game, but i think that we were the better team, and overall had better attitudes about the game. there were a couple of girls from the other team who were so over the top with stuff that it wasn't even funny. one of our girls shorts almost got ripped off while this other girl was "grabbing for the flags." my friend, who almost got her shorts ripped off, is an army staff sergeant in the army reserves, and has spent a year in iraq, and this other girl was lucky that she knows how to keep her temper, because what she really wanted to do was hit this girl. really great community building things going on here at our christian institution. my body is now sore and i did something to my left elbow so now it's bothering me. that was my final experience in playing powder puff football. i don't get why people can't just play for fun, because in all honesty, it wasn't that much fun playing the juniors, and some of them have made impressions on me that will last for a long time.

footballed out.
- corrie

now.

i'm surfing the internet trying to come up with something to do when all i really should do is go to bed. moments from my day you ask? okay fine, here goes. i was mostly a slouch all day, not even changing my clothes from what i wore to bed to go to my first class. i then didn't really do any homework most of the day, until the last hour that is. i also had my first visit to the simple room for my cor401 project. kristen and i go on tuesdays, and it was a great first experience. i felt like we were somewhat a distraction, but they're just trying to get to know us. i then had a lot of fun picking on kristen after going, and then had a blast hanging out at her pod with her roommates. most of us don't have boyfriends so we watched the girls across the lounge get picked up for the homecoming banquet. it was fun. then i had dinner with mandi at mario's pizza (best pizza in greenville), and that was really nice. it was great to spend time with her outside her house, which is always a crazy zoo. sometimes literally. she also told me about something that happened today that embarrassed me a little, when it really probably shouldn't have. all i have to say about that is: am i that transparent? then i spent the rest of my evening hanging out with mandi at her apartment, with all of my other amigas. my mom has stopped talking to me online so i think that i'll go to bed now. the timing is good.

i love snow patrol.
- corrie

what day is it?

here's my day so far.

at about midnight i finished reading chapter 6 in rich christians in an age of hunger, which i needed to use to write a paper. the paper was due today at noon. so, upon finishing reading the chapter i began the grueling task of writing a 4 - 5 page paper. i don't have a difficult time writing papers, and in all honesty i've written longer papers than that in the time that it took me to complete this one. so, i proceeded to write a paper on social sin for the next two hours. i think that it was a decent paper, but at this point i don't remember what i wrote. also, i had been writing this at a friends apartment next to where i live. at around 2:10 a.m. i packed up all of my stuff and went home. i got ready for bed, and sat in bed listening to snow patrol and writing. i finished writing around 2:40 and set my alarm and went to sleep. i still had a lot of homework to do for classes today, so i set my alarm for a couple hours before my first class.

well... this morning as i was laying in bed getting some fantastic sleep i was somewhat awoken by my roommate getting out of bed and getting ready. i thought that it was odd for her to be up that early, but i didn't spend much more time thinking about it. eventually i decided to check what time it was so that i hadn't overslept. when i rolled over and looked at my clock it said 11:25. i thought 'what!?!' i was supposed to get up around 8:30, and do homework and go to class at 10:30. i scurried out of bed and headed for the clock in the other room, just in case my clock was wrong. it wasn't. i had overslept, a lot. and already missed my first class. since my paper was due at noon, i took my time to get ready (no sense rushing), and before i headed out to eat and turn in my paper i checked my alarm clock again. i thought that in my tired state i hadn't turned on my alarm. nope, i turned it on, but i had set it for 8:07 p.m. whoops. that is why i didn't wake up. oh well.

the final amusing note from my day so far was when i went to the union to get lunch. i always check their weekly menu before deciding what i want. i stood there looking down at the menu (divided by day), and couldn't for the life of me remember what day it was. i had to ask the girl who was working. i couldn't believe it. i'm still out of it now, but i hope that my mind will turn on before i have to go to my next class, and my group meeting later. i'm actually sitting in a class right now but it's just a review for our test on wednesday. i'll study for that later.

my day will hopefully improve.
- corrie

where's my prince?

seeing friends that are happily in relationships makes me sad. not for my friends, but because i don't have that in my life. that is all.

more & less.

i want more. and less. all at the same time. more of some things, and less of others.

more.
- i want to write more. everywhere. here, in my journal, and in general. right now i mostly want to write more here. i just spent the last half hour or so, i think, going back and reading old entries from the beginning and end of summer. it started with wanting to look at some pictures that i'd posted from the track season, and led me to reading all the entries from that whole month, then ones i wrote at the end of summer concerning similar places.
- i want to swear more. i realize that this isn't exactly a good thing, but something i want to do increasingly more lately. today there were a number of times when i was thinking things that i wanted to say and every other world was a "bad word," for lack of a better term. i even wanted to say words that i haven't had a strong desire to say in a long time. very odd.
- i want to be more happy. it's not that i'm not happy, i just think that i could be happier.
- i want to talk more with people who know me better than anyone else.
- i want more people to know the parts of me that no one else knows.
- i want more time to myself. or with people who i don't know well, but want to get to know more.
- i want to sleep more.

less.
- i want less to do with drama. and people who have drama in their lives. and those who create drama in their lives. some people are so dramatic, and don't even realize it. makes me want to swear at them.
- i want to be less annoyed/stressed out about things concerning this semester/year. including chapel credits, and cor401.
- i want to be less sappy.

my less list is pretty short. i feel like there's more (ha), but i can't think of it now.

i want to see sherwood more.
- corrie

thoughts thought.

i think a lot. sometimes too much. not necessarily as much as others, but still a lot. here are some things that i've been thinking about lately.

1. within in the last week a friend told me that i should write. she knows full well that i write every night in a journal but she thinks that i should take it further and write stories. the more that i think about it the more that i like the idea of it. i am not sure, however, that i am at the point yet where i could do it and be happy with it.

2. i am that girl. the girl who has some really solid friends, and knows a decent amount of people. that girl who is friends with a decent amount of guys but doesn't have a boyfriend. that girl who wants a boyfriend, but aparantly the time isn't right to have one. that girl who isn't even looking in the wrong places but has no where to look.

3. i wonder why some people notice things about me, but others don't. others being the ones who i want to see the wonderful, awesome me who is hillarious and laid back and goes with the flow. someday.

4. today a woman named kim came and spoke to my pr (public relations for those of you who don't know) class and talked about her job and the company she works for. it sounded really interesting, and she said that if we were interested in an internship or something to call or email her about it, and i'm considering doing that. if i did it, it would be over interterm, and i would have to be sure that i could get the credits that i needed to graduate. it's a thought for sure. i'll look into it.

5. last night i realized that when i graduate in may i'll no longer be in college, and it is likely that i won't live near here anymore. i'm going to miss something about this time. many things actually. like classes with prof ross, going over to see my crazy friends for a laugh, tv watching with julianne, and something about the town of greenville (what exactly i'm not sure).

i think that there is more. i'm sure that there is more, but i just can't think of it right now. i'm sure that i'll post this and remember something that i'd wanted to say but i can't think of now. i'll stop now.

going back to my thinking.
- corrie

such sadness.

i am sad. not because of anything that is happening in my life but because of what has happened this last week in schools across this country. last week in colorado a man took six hostages in a high school and killed a 16 year old girl and himself. then an armed teenager in wisconsin killed a teacher who confronted him about the weapon. today a teenager went to his high school with a gun and fled the scene. now the high school and an elementary school are on lockdown. also today in lancaster county pennsylvania a gunman entered a small one room amish schoolhouse and killed at least 6 children, wounded many others, and killed himself.

what is our country coming to? when did it becmoe okay to go into schools and kill children? what about for students to go into their schools and threaten and kill their teachers? who in the world would want to go into an amish school and shoot children between the ages of 6 and 14?

all of these events have saddened me but there was something about the amish shooting today that got me. watching the amish community standing outside the school waiting for answers made me so sad. what did they do to ask for anything like that? i don't know.

i hope it ends with them today.

i love october.

this weekend has actually turned out to be pretty decent. i thought that it would end up being horrible, or at least kinda crappy, but it didn't.

friday i did something that i haven't done in ages - watched tv. now when i say that i watched tv i mean that i sat in front of the tv for hours. i channel surfed (which i never do anymore), and even pulled up tv guide on my computer, and watched anything and everything that was on. it was actually pretty fun.

yesterday was good too. i had a lazy morning, and then hit the football game. greenville won, and i hung out with my amigas from tower, and saw a friend who transfered and i haven't seen since may. then laura (my roommate) and i went to st. louis. it was great. we went to old navy, and barnes & noble, and st. louis bread co. for dinner, and world market. it was so great to go to barenes & noble. i'd been wanting to go for a while and it was great wandering around the store, looking at books and journals and such. there were probably 5 books that i'd have liked to get (at least), but only got 2 and a journal. i'm going to start reading one of them soon i think. it's called the history of love. i've had my eye on it for a couple of months. after coming back i went over to tower and hung out with my previously mentioned amigas. there were lots of people there, and they were fun people so that made the time more enjoyable. we played n-64 mario kart and i went 2-0. it was fun.

today has been nice so far. i'm not really sure what i'm going to do, but it'll probably include reading and possibly calling a classmate to discuss an issue with one of our group members. stupid cor401. i'm doing well, and then something from that class pops up and it irritates me.

it is now officially october, and that makes me happy. i love october. it's my favorite month in the year. i'm hopeful for good things to come this month.

finally, last night while laura and i were in st. louis i asked the question that needed to be asked. if she'd heard anything about moving out. she had. she's moving out tomorrow at 2. i think it's a good thing, but there's something inside me that is worried or anxious or uncertain or something. hopefully i can pinpoint it in the next couple of days.

lisa loeb makes great music.
- corrie