seat from hell.

so tonight natalie and i decided to go and see a movie. our initial desire was to go and see the new pirates movie, but being in ventura means that movies sell out on the night they open so by the time we got to the theatre at 7:30 all the shows were sold out until 10, so we decided to see shrek the third instead. in the 45 minutes we had to wait we walked to java joes (not to be confused with joe's java my greenville people) and got some coffee and caught up a little. then we went in to see the movie. seeing as shrek has only been out for about a week and we were in a small theatre finding seats was interesting. we actually got good ones for viewing the movie but mine wasn't the greatest for concentrating on the movie.

we were in a full row of people and right next to me was a very nice hispanic woman who didn't speak any english and was holding a young child about 18 months or so old. he was totally adorable, but did not want to sit still or be quiet for the movie. the mom was doing her best to keep him contained but wasn't succeeding very well. in all honesty that didn't bother me too bad. i was able to block it out quite well. then, however, the seats behind me filled in and the one directly behind me contained either a child or someone who had a child in their lap a good portion of the movie. it was actually that kid who bothered me more because they kicked my seat and leaned up against my chair and on my hair.

though all of that i was amazingly still able to enjoy the movie and have a fun time with natalie. overall i would recommend going and seeing the movie, and i doubt you will have a worse seat than i did.

i love watching the trailers too.
- corrie

overwhelmed.

i am overwhelmed by, of all things at the moment, books. i really want to read one, but i have no idea what exactly i want to read. i just finished reading a book by meg cabot called queen of babble, and it was good, but it only took me a day to read. (and when i say day, i mean that i slept for a good 10 hours between starting it and finishing it.) i had gotten another book at the same time that i picked up that one, but as i started reading it today, i just didn't feel like reading it. which is lame i know, cause i could have gotten so many other interesting ones instead. right now i'm tempted to read something that i have already read, which is not something i typically do. my friend emily is reading the harry potter books, some for the first time, and i'm thinking about going through and doing the same. funny. as i sit here on the floor of my room glancing up at the bookshelves i've found the book i came back here to find, even though (pre blog) when i was looking for it i couldn't find it. funny how that happens. hmm... well now the big question comes - what do i read? i still have no idea. and what makes it more difficult is that i have books all over the place and i don't even know where some are, although i know i own them. sheeze... i need to get better organized, in many things. that is all. in 10 minutes i will be reading. that is, as long as i don't get distracted in an unwelcome way. distraction in a welcomed way would be more than nice right now.

who needs a job when they can read all summer?
- corrie

it's begun...

the push to get me to do/finish things before i want to.

yay.

california.

well... i'm back in my home state of california, and here is the rundown.

- i'm still not entirely sure that i want to be here at the moment but at least i'm home now so it's somewhere familiar.
- i found out today that quite a lot of people (some unexpected) read this very blog. if you read this please leave a comment on this post telling me that you do. it should be interesting to see who all reads it.
- one reason i miss illinois: today a deer shut down the 101 freeway while they tried to catch it. in illinois they would have done one of a number of things, the top two being run it over or shoot it. go illinois. californians have no idea what to do with them.

i believe that is all for now.
- corrie

missing.

i'm missing pretty much everyone from school.
i want to go back and be near them.
i don't want to go home. (no offense to anyone there)
i don't know what my next step is, and i HATE that feeling.
i think i'll bum around this summer and only work to spend my money.
maybe i'll get some large monetary gifts that i can spend on trips to see my friends.

the hotel i'm at is nice, but it's nowhere near where i want to be and with who i want to be with.
- corrie

it's official.

official: i am a college graduate.
it all went down yesterday, and although it was a long, much anticipated day, it was a good one.

official: i have said goodbye to greenville, and as many friends as i could. (a couple more than once)
this all happened today, and i am still sad about it all. i packed up my room, and hung out in my house for the last time. i also hung out with a few friends (as much as possible) for the last time for a while. some i'm already desperate to see again, and others i'm content knowing that i will see them again soon.

offcial: sherwood speaks to my life.
well... actually, their music tends to represent times in my life while lisa loeb's music is actually my life. (i identify with some of the songs so well. like "wishing heart" and "probably")
here are the lyrics to the sherwood song that represents my last month at greenville college.

"never ready to leave" sherwood

this room's been dusted
and it's covered in prints from
the month you spent with me.
and i've catalogued it,
arranged the report with a chapter every week
and i've studied sleepless
biting my nails and grinding my teeth.

and i think i've had it,
but that makes two of us,
'cause you've had it with me.

and here in the meantime,
i'm a fly on the wall, and glued to the action.
a twist in the plotline,
a demand for a call, the loss of attraction.

and i'll tell you the worst part:
you're exactly the way that i thought you would be
so i'll staple the last call
'cause i'll move away, but i'm never ready to leave
whoa, whoa.
i'll move away but i'm never ready to leave

this house is haunted
but not in the way that you've always heard it said
and i'll dust the attic
no razor teeth making camp beneath your bed.

but i've heard them walking late at night
with twins of confusion and regret
and they share the stories of things that i have done
that i'd rather just forget.

here in the meantime,
i'm a fly on the wall, and glued to the action.
a twist in the plotline,
a demand for a call, the loss of attraction.

and i'll tell you the worst part:
you're exactly the way that i thought you would be
so i'll staple the last call
so i'll move away but i'm never ready to leave.
(i'll move away but i'm never ready to leave)

so this is how it feels to be 24
a thief without a key to the open door
just peering through the window
for any clue,
or anything explaining a part of you.

i guess the real question, i don't know,
is, why am i afraid of letting go?

why am i afraid of letting go?

here in the meantime,
i'm a fly on the way, and glued to the action.
a twist in the plotline,
a demand for a call, a loss of attraction.

and i'll tell you the worst part:
you're exactly the way that i thought you would be
so i'll staple the last call
cause i'd move away, but i'm never ready to leave.

whoa, whoa.

well i'll move away, but i'm never ready to leave.
cause i'd move away, but i'm never ready to leave.
well i'd move away, but i'm never ready to leave.

goodbye (for good).

i am all done. with all my work. with college. all that is left to do now is go through the ritual that is graduation.

the gravity of that has still yet to fully hit me. it probably won't fully hit me until i'm back in california. oddly what made it seem at least a little real to me was when i was on my myspace page not more that a few minutes ago, and i realized that in less than a week i can put up a picture of myself all graduated and in my cap and gown on scott field as my picture. an official college graduate. wow.

another thing that comes along with being done with college (aside from actually being done and taking cap and gown pictures) is that in a broad sense, my live will never be the same again. more specifically i mean that all of the friends that i love dearly and spend a significant amount of time with at the moment, i will either not ever see them again, or will see them on a grand but rare occasion. that is really sad. i am going to miss them so much, and the times that we've shared together. saying goodbye is sad in this sense.

another thing about saying goodbye at this point is, well, 1. that i'm really bad at it, and 2. i forget because it hasn't quite hit me yet still. i mean, i know that in one week i will be sitting in a hotel in oklahoma, but i forget that i have to say goodbye to people between now and then. i'm great at not saying goodbye. in fact my yearbook from my senior year of high school was probably one of my most empty ones (as far as signatures are concerned), and it's cause i was really bad at seeking people out and saying goodbye to them. i see that happening again this year on a larger scale because people are already starting to leave. in fact, tonight i said goodbye to a couple of people who i will likely not ever see again, or at least one of them i'm pretty sure i'll never see again. it's so weird.

i'm still going to be bad at all of these things, and i'm still going to miss people, and all the other things pretty much no matter what i do, but i am thankful for things like aim, msn messenger, myspace, and facebook as a way to still keep in touch with people (if impersonally). it will make my transition much easier.

so little time left, so many people to say goodbye to.
- corrie

worst.

this weekend i had one of the worst track meets of my life. it was christian nationals, and hammer was on friday. i was feeling good and throwing great leading up to it.

my first throw in prelims comes and it's a great throw but i foul it (i step out the front). i shake it off, and the second throw comes, and it's another great throw that i foul in the same way. i shook that one off the best that i could, but i couldn't get out of my head that if i didn't get a 40 meter throw in on my last one that i wouldn't make it to finals and my day would be over. my thrid throw comes around, and it doesn't feel in any way as good as the previous two but i was trying to be conservative and get it in. it was in, but i wasn't. i was done. that was basically the end of my throwing career.

as soon as i walked away from the ring i ripped off my glove and threw it. about 20 feet out of the ring (on my way to get the hammer) i was already crying. if i hadn't had to take the hammer back to christina then i would have kept walking and gone around to the side of a building so i didn't have to see anyone. but i had to take the hammer back, so i gave it to christina, grabbed my stuff, threw it with my other stuff and walked away to the trees to cry.

after spending some time over there i came back and had trouble facing people like coach, and a couple of others. most people who saw me had never seen my cry so it was kind of a big deal. as i began to recover i had to relive everything all over again when people asked me how i threw.

it was easily the worst throwing day of my entire career (8 seasons worth), and one of the hardest days i've had in a long time. while it was hard, i think that it has been a good thing (in some way that i'm sure i don't totally understand yet), and also that it's good to have those days every once in a while to make other days that much better.

i'm considering throwing next week in a last chance meet, but i haven't totally decided yet. at this point i'm totally on the fence cause i can't see myself throwing again, but i don't want to end on the note that i did. we'll see if some redemption is in order.

better days to come... right?
- corrie